just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
