we're blogging at a bar
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize