The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
