I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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