I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
