So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
