I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
