***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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