A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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