My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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