There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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