My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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