You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
