Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
