is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
