remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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