Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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