How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
