I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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