So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
