Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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