Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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