You just made me feel so damn special
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
