Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
