how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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