A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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