So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
