I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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