ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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