After last night, I could never be a politician.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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