I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize