i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
