Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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