Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
