I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
