apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
