franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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