How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never joke about your clitoris.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
