Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
