Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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