The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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