So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
