I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
