Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
