dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
