he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
