Just mADE A PArabola og urine
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
