The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
