We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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