after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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