Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
