yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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