Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who died my cat blue again?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
