I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
