He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize