her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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