She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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