I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
