I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize