we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
