dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
